Saturday, October 4, 2008

This Crazy WORLD #11

Agony of victory

Arkansas State's 83-10 rout of Texas Southern in the Red Wolves' home opener on Sept. 6 created a lot of excitement around the Jonesboro, Ark., campus. Except for Hoppy Hoffman, owner of a local apparel store who promised to discount prices of Arkansas State swag by 1 percent for every point the Red Wolves won by during home games this year. With the promise of 73-percent-off merchandise, Hoffman said a huge crowd waited for him to open his doors the Monday morning after the game. "It got crazy. We opened at 9:30. The people who probably got in line by 10 checked out about 1:30," he said. "When the door opened at 9:30, I know at least 200 people filed in. It was hilarious. . . . It looked like they were waiting to buy rock concert tickets." He said he'd like to encourage Arkansas State to continue winning home football games—but perhaps only by a point or two.

He's certainly being a good sport (no pun intended) about it, given how much money he probably lost! Lesson: Be careful what you promise!

Scratch that

According to the USAction Education Fund, it has a proud history of increasing voter registration in underrepresented communities. This year, that means cats too. In a recent voter registration drive, the left-leaning advocacy group sent a registration packet to the home of 54-year-old Jeff Jewitt of Ohio. But the voter registration information wasn't directed to Jeff Jewitt, but instead to his cat Dipped Jewitt, a six-year-old black cat with white paws. Despite Dipped's ability to smell out a rat—presumably in politics too—the cat's owner says he has no plans for submitting the registration card.

Typical. As we all know, one of our political parties has a long history of registering ineligible voters, including illegal aliens, dead people, and animals.

Tight security

After spending decades locked away in a secret filing cabinet with two combination locks inside a triple-locked vault, the Colonel's secret recipe was on the move. Executives with the KFC fast food chain needed to temporarily move Harland Sanders' 68-year-old original recipe for fried chicken from its Louisville, Ky., home on Sept. 9 as experts upgraded security at corporate headquarters. Company officials placed the yellowing piece of paper that bears Sanders' handwritten 1940 recipe in a lock box before handcuffing it to a safe keeper who climbed into an armored car that took him and the trade secret to an undisclosed location. Moves to upgrade security were prompted by executives who recently retrieved the recipe for consultation prior to releasing a new line of chicken strips.

Gee whiz, you'd think that this is the "nuclear football" or something! We wouldn't want this recipe to fall into the hands of (say) Al-Qaeda!

Sandwich ruse

Nothing can ruin a lunch hour faster than discovering some unknown perpetrator has stolen your ham-and-cheese right out of the office refrigerator. Sherwood Forlee thinks he has a solution. The New York--based design engineer is trying to market a sandwich bag that camouflages a normal sandwich as a moldy disgusting sandwich by painting on translucent green splotches on the bag to ward off would-be lunch thieves.

Do we need any further proof that we live in a crazy, messed-up world when so many sandwiches are being stolen that someone feels led to develop a bag that makes the sandwich appear moldy? (By the way, I wish you could see the picture of the sandwich in the bag. It looks truly disgusting!

Crazy talk

In terms of outrageous Detroit politicians, City Council President Pro Tem Monica Conyers has a long way to go—but she's off to a good start. Walking out of an elevator in a Detroit courthouse, Conyers began screaming at news media that had assembled in the lobby. "You are all evil! Please leave me alone!" she shouted at reporters who had not even asked a question yet. Conyers has had altercations with other city officials, but she'll have to step up her antics to match those of disgraced former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, who was forced to resign from office on Sept. 18 in connection with two guilty pleas to felony charges of obstruction of justice.

Maybe candidates for office should have to undergo psychological testing before being able to run. Just a thought...


Paul said...

Not such a crazy idea on the cat Fr. I have in the past signed up for things under an assumed name just to figure out who was "selling" my name to these advertisers across the country. Our names can be bought and sold without our permission to anyone. So perhaps he signed his cat up for a copy of the local newspaper and they sold his name to a clearing house who sold it to the Democratic party who we know has no scruples who they get to vote as long as they vote democratic.

Anonymous said...

Father James and Paul,
Paul, if the party is "lacking in scruples", does that mean that all persons who vote for Democrats are also lacking in scruples? If so, the 11 Kinsey cats have just missed their chance to vote in the presedential election by just a number of hours. (The lone dog in the family is a Republican)
A more general statement of "Politicians of BOTH parties are often lacking in scrupples" would cause me no lack of sleep. The tossing and turning comes from wondering if a"Democrat Orthodox Christian" is an oxymoron, and if Democrats in the Orthodox Church need to be hiding in the closets. Please advise.
(Don't wrry Father, the smile is still on my face.)

Fr. James Early said...


Certainly, neither of the two major parties has a monopoly on corruption. And I do not think that one cannot be Orthodox and vote Democratic.

My personal problem with Senator Obama and the overwhelming majority of the Democratic party is their ardent support not only for legalized abortion, but also for even the most reasonable restrictions on this detestable practice. The clear and unambiguous teaching of both Scripture and the tradition of the Church is that abortion is just as sinful as murder (except to save the life of the mother).

I personally cannot vote for any politician who supports legalized abortion. If a pro-life Democrat were to run for office in a jurisdiction where I lived, I would certainly consider voting for him/her.

charlene said...

Father James,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful explanation. As new to Orthodoxy as I am, I find myself having to rethink many positions I have held for most of my life. I will pray that I make the right choices when I go into the ballot box.
In reality, I am often a swing voter. ( I voted againt Bush 8 years ago, and for him 4 years ago.) Mostly I support the Democrat leanings towards giving alms to the poor through government programs. Not handout programs necessarily, but programs that help people permanently climb out of poverty.
I know I don't want any part in enabling any leader that condones torture. And while my own views on abortion and other issues may be conservative, I worry about the "Religious Right" denying freedom of religion to anyone outside of conservative Christianity. Being able to worship God in my own way is one of the most wonderful things about living in this country. Religious freedom is only free though, if it extends to all people, and not just those like us.
Thank you Father, for helping us find God's path for us.