Monday, June 29, 2009

The Hales' Journey, Part 19 - Debbie's Perspective (4)



After we had settled into our new home, Clint emailed me a link to a blog he had found. He assured me that he was not trying to push Orthodoxy on me, but he thought I might enjoy the daily devotionals. The link was to “Glory to God for all Things” by Fr. Stephen Freeman. I, of course, wanted nothing to do with it, but for some reason I resisted the urge to hit the delete key.

For several weeks it just sat in my inbox, staring me in the face. I knew that Clint had started reading books about Orthodoxy, and visiting Orthodox sites on the internet, again. I could have continued to ignore what he was doing, hoping it would magically go away, but one day I had finally decided enough was enough. My husband was living a lie, and I was determined to set him straight, once and for all.

The first thing I needed was ammunition—I needed to know all I could about this Orthodox Church, so that I could show him how it was wrong. So the search began. One night after Clint had gone to bed, I opened that email and went to Fr. Stephen’s blog. I honestly cannot remember the very first entry I read, but I do remember thinking that he had not said anything too strange or weird, nor did he say anything I would disagree with. For about a week, that was all I did. I would go and read Fr. Stephen’s blog, not realizing how it was slowly changing me even then.

Then one night, I decided that I needed to look at the history of the church from the beginning. If I was going to prove to Clint, once and for all, that Orthodoxy was not the church the Apostles started, then I had to find out which one they did. What was funny is that no matter what I typed into Google—History of the Church, Church History, The Early Church, etc.—the same thing kept coming up at the top. Orthodoxy. I was completely stunned. I scoured the internet for hours – reading, digging, watching videos. I needed to know the truth, and I needed to know it right then!

By the time the early morning came, I knew what that truth was, and it was Orthodoxy. It was like this light finally came on, and I could see clearly for the first time. Clint had been right all this time, but I had just been too pig-headed and stubborn to listen. That is when I completely broke down and cried for a long time. I cried for my stubbornness, but I also cried for what this was going to do to our lives. Would our kids be okay? What were my parents going to think? What were we going to do with the house we just bought? How were we going to support ourselves?

For a while it was a little overwhelming, but the more I opened up to God, the more comforted I felt. I had trusted him my entire life, why should I stop now? I knew the road ahead was probably going to be bumpy, but I had to do what was right, no matter the cost. Now, how was I going to tell Clint?

11 comments:

Clint said...

heh, heh, heh.

That's my favorite part.... (not the telling Clint - though I liked it), but the fact that she finally dug into it and figured it out...

Deborah said...

I will never forget it!

Isabel said...

Your courage, and your dedication to finding the truth - whether you liked it or not - is inspiring. So many say they have faith...here is an example of trusting God. Thank you so much for this.

elizabeth said...

Beautiful. God can really turn things in new ways and quickly. I really appreciate this. Thanks again.

s-p said...

Debbie, This is really touching. Your open heart and tender spirit beneath the "stubbornness" is a truly beautiful thing. Clint is blessed to have you (if he ever forgets that, let me know, I'll fly there and slap him for you.)

Fr. James Early said...

I also volunteer to slap him if need be. That makes two slappers!

Clint said...

Wow... look honey, you have some slap groupies...

s-p said...

Father, you take the right, I'll take the left. Deb can slap him where ever is left over when we're done. :)

Fr. James Early said...

Sounds like a plan, Steve!

Deborah said...

You guys are cracking me up! Ha!

Clint said...

I remember seeing movies where RCC monks would self-flagellate.

This is sort of getting that same vibe....

Except in Orthodoxy, we help each other out.